So Andy and I broke up on Thursday.
To be honest it was hard the whole time.
The thing is that I didn't want another boyfriend to add to my x-boyfriend list, another one to add to the guys I have kissed...yet that is what he now is.
I know I learned things, I know he learned things...thats all well and good...
but what I ask now is Why?
Why Lord when this is the last thing I ever wanted?
Why when I prayed so much about it?
Why did I think it was so right?
Why would you allow it to happen at all when I am so done with that meaninglessness?
Why a friendship now forever ruined?
Why do I feel used?
Why did I let myself?
Why didn't you protect me?
Why didn't he think about my heart?
Why didn't I think about what I was getting myself into?
Why do I find it hard to hope that there will ever be an end to this waiting, to this game, to this time when no one wants to seem to fight for me....
even when they say they do.
To be honest I am ok. I see that it wasn't good. I am relieved that its not "it" because that means it can only be better than what it was.
It wasn't that long and for that I am greatful.
There weren't that many good memories to be missed.
I have questions for a friend who seemingly used my heart....
but my bigger questions are for my God who allowed me to believe it was a gift from him, a blessing from him...why would He give it and then take it again?
But then...he gives and takes away...blessed be His name.
I trust Him...I do...I know He is good...today is just my frustration day.
Who knows whats around the corner, my hope is in HIM!