Posts tagged Steve Jobs Quote
Sweet Nothings
 {These are a few pics from our weekend at the park. My husband, son and I as well as my brother who is staying with us for a month while he starts work before his family moves out.}

 I  am on a writing role these days, I am aware at the frequency with which I am writing, but I do think I am finding it helpful to think through and in many ways give myself permission to feel what I feel and be who I am during this time.

With all the Steve Jobs quotes flying around on the news and on Facebook one has stuck in my brain tonight and I have found it quite freeing in many senses.

"Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become." 
-Steve Jobs

My head seems to be filled with noise, not so much what other people have said, but what I perceive them to be saying. I fill my head with a noise I create myself. Self doubt, self criticism, self hatred. I like to imagine the words coming out of others mouth so it makes the blow easier on my self esteem to accept these are the things I am actually thinking about myself.

Remembering my "inner voice", now this is where I believe I have to begin again. Not in some weird mystical inner voice, maybe in fact it is the Holy Spirit that reminds me of who I really am. But that knowing deep within myself that I was made for a reason. That I have thoughts, personality, dreams, passions that are unlike anyone elses...for a reason. If we were all just the same, writing the same blogs, going through the same type of lives, never encountering any kind of struggles...what a boring world that would be. 

My friend Holly has reminded me on several occasions that I would tell her on occasion 

"Holly, we missed the NORMAL train a long time ago".

 My life is marked by difference. Some I have chosen, some that God has allowed me to have or experience. I love my life because it is different. 

What is the quote by Robert Frost? 

"I have taken the road less traveled, 
and that has made all the difference."

A sweet friend of mine that I had lost touch with for several years has now reconnected with me through facebook. She has been watching me struggle and yesterday she sent me an excerpt from her journal from when I was living there still, towards the end.

It has reminded me of who I really am at my core, who I really want to be, and who I believe God has made me and wants me to be as well. 
I share this with you not to "toot my own horn" so to speak, but rather again, to record this intervention from the Lord. This hope, this calling to remember.
My friend is several years younger then me and I was in a sort of leadership role at the time but we just connected, she had such a great sense of humor (which I loved) and such a tenderness for the Lord as well.

 This was an excerpt from her journal at that time:

"sunday 15th january, 2006

Ashley is leaving in 2 weeks and going back to California. she cant cope any more. i had no idea. she just isnt happy here for a number of reasons. it makes me really sad because i think shes totally wonderful and in a very short period of time shes inspired me and taught me a lot. Ashley has what seem to be a REAL relationship with god. the way she talks about him, its as if he really is her best friend. i want that.

every time i see her i get excited, because i know shes real, and she's good to talk to. i love her sense of humour, and she gets mine. the whole way through training i admired her. and shes become the kind of person to me that i really look up to for a number of reasons. it was such a privilege that she talked to me about Andy. even for a short space of time, she was a genuine friend.

it's funny because im almost like a baby Christian, or a little child when i talk to her because shes the only person ive met that i feel like running up to her and saying, "tell me about Jesus!" it excites me to hear her talk about him. i know she has by no means got it right, like none of us do, and she probably struggles like everyone else, but i pray that i become to someone what Ashley is to me. i thank God for her."

I believe she wrote this to me in a note as well before I left. I remember thinking and still do to this day that this is one of the nicest things that could ever be said to me.
This is who I want to be, this is how I want all people to remember me, this who I want my son to know as his mother. 

It is my stone of remembrance.

I think my journey in this desert is not done, but there is a purpose in it as well.