Does God Care What I Weigh??3:05 PM
Perhaps you clicked on this post thinking to yourself "what is this rando going to be saying about God and my weight? First I have to deal with all the pressure of society and family and not to mention myself, now I have to worry about God judging me in this as well?" To be honest, there is not a topic that makes me get frustrated faster than talking about weight and my body. Nothing would make me want to cut you off sooner than a sideways glance at my belly fluff or a raised eye brow at my orange chicken on my plate, so believe me, if you come to this article with angst, I stand here with you. There is enough things we struggle with in life, you better not touch my...fill in the blank....favorite food.
This is clearly not everyone's battle, but if it's yours, like it is mine, its one that is uphill for sure. I used to think that if I was really going to be free from my problem with over eating or emotional eating, that would mean that the desire was not there at all, but I just don't think that is the case. It may sound like a leap, but we aren't all that different from the alcoholic. We can measure our weights and try to stack up who is worse or far along or totally in trouble in regards to health, but like the alcoholic, there is not degrees to this issue. You can't be a minimal alcoholic, a sort of alcoholic, you either are one or you are not. It either controls you, or you control it, but it really can't be a little of both. I believe we can have the same issue with food. And that is why in AA the first step is "admitting you have a problem". Admitting you're powerlessness over an issue seems weak, because you are saying you are powerless. But until we stop denying it's power over us, we can not move forward.
And this is where the judgy question I titled this post comes in. Does God care what I weigh? Not in the way that we might think, as though He is judging us behind designer glasses, shaking His head back and forth in some sort of disgust. A better question is, Does God Care About My Freedom? And the answer is yes, He does. So if being over weight simply for the fact that we are using food in place of God, that is when He cares how much we weigh. Even above health concerns, I believe God cares most about our hearts, our why's and the hurts and scars that riddle them and make us run back to food to numb that burning pain, even if only for a moment or two.
I had to let God into my woundedness in regards to these areas, first. I had to let Him speak truth to me and love me not as I should be but just as I was, without losing a pound. I had to learn to trust that if He wanted to walk with me through losing pounds it wasn't about looking good, flaunting it, or pride, it was always going to be about and for freedom. He went through too much and gave up His life for anything less that us being free
I was watching a documentary about drug addiction recently and they were talking about this exact thing, that if the underlying reasons are never addressed the person will most likely return to using again because it has become their faithful friend to help them find relief from unbearable pains. Food is just my numbing drug of choice. But soon those things that we once went to to comfort us soon become less of a comforter and more of a slave master. We become imprisoned in a stronghold we have chosen.
Beth Moore describes a Stronghold in her study Living Free as
"....any argument that sets itself up against the knowledge of God."
"...is anything that exalts itself in our minds, pretending to be bigger or more powerful than our God. It steals our focus and causes us to feel overpowered. Controlled. Mastered."
As I started being willing to face that I couldn't deal with this on my own, God began to show me that this was an area that was a stronghold in my life. I felt every ounce of the above definition in regards to this, even if I would pray and pray for help from the Lord for it.
In 2 Corinthians 5:10 it says
"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ."
Arguments and pretensions can in other words be called straight up LIES.
A few lies we tell ourselves in regards to this:
I can handle this on my own.
If I just try harder, I can do it.
God is disappointed in me, like I am disappointed in myself.
God doesn't really care if I over eat.
I don't have time to deal with this.
I am too weak and afraid to deal with this.
If we were talking about any other addiction it would be so obvious that someone stuck in this thinking needed to have a mind overhaul. But because food is something we have to eat to live and because some of the most godly people we know may struggle with over eating, we push it to the side and shrug our shoulders, admit defeat and drive through one more time.
But it mattered to me, even if I acted like it didn't and told myself all the things above on repeat. It caused me pain, confusion, and I felt helpless and hopeless about it. That is how I knew God DID care about it, because I started to believe that He loved all of me, all of my life, and was unwilling for me to ignore any part of my life that He died to free me from. Not so I could pridefully look down my nose on those who aren't foodly enlightened like I am, not to be able to smugly pat myself on the back for FINALLY fitting into what our society says is more beautiful and acceptable. Much more than that it was to actually say, "God loves me, He made my body, and I want to learn how to walk in freedom with Him, no matter what it takes."
He is constantly impressing on me the importance of faith. That He has the power to change us and that this power is always available to us, no matter what stronghold is in place in our lives. He may have to teach us by falling down a million times over, but He grabs our hands and pulls us up again, unwilling to let us label ourselves defeated. No He has already labeled us, "More than overcomers"!