How is your blogger self esteem??

10:28 AM

So, how have you been feeling lately in bloggy world? I love blogging. Not only is it a great creative outlet, but its been very therapeutic for me as well.

It is hard, however, not to compare ourselves to other bloggers, you know, the fab ladies we want to be like that have a CRAZY amount of followers, or the ones that always seem neck and neck with us like we are running some sort of blogging follower race.

Sometimes blogging can feel like high school, read THIS post to hear more about that. But, this is isn’t high school and we need to remember and value that each of our individual voices matter in blogging and in the world. We aren’t in an unsaid competition, we aren’t vying for someone to validate our worth, we are just being ourselves and trying to share that with whoever is gracious enough to read those things, right?

Recently I find myself wishing and wanting, and yes, comparing. Like I have said PLENTY of times before, I tend to look constantly at the reasons I don’t measure up in general. I think we all do this, it’s just our insecure human nature. Even the most confident, beautiful, rich, people in the world who we think “have it all together”, don’t! They struggle with their self doubt just like we do, but it just looks SOOOO much easier for them, doesn’t it?

So why did you start blogging in the first place? Before you knew there was link parties, before you knew you needed a button, before you entered 1,000 giveaways or paid for advertising, why did you start blogging? Before you were aware of seeming cliques that, once again, you were not asked to join, before you compared your beauty and writing to “so and so” why did YOU start blogging?

 I started blogging because I needed an outlet being a stay at home mom. Don’t get me wrong, I like ALL that blogging has to offer. I love the free things you can win, I like getting to know you all through your writing, I love the community and fun that is involved and not to mention the endless creative sources that you always have a place to share. And my purpose for blogging has changed.

I have found that I usually find my place by process of elimination. I love to craft, but I am not a crafter. I love being a mom, but I am not a mommy blogger. I love fashion and style, but I am no fashion blogger. The people who do those things are amazing. I look and read their blogs and am always inspired and wonder, “should I do that? should I try that?” but it just doesn’t feel authentic to me. And if there is something I can’t be, is in-authentic. Sometimes this is a fault of mine, but I can’t stand fakeness, so I share what I love with you, without HAVING to.

I don’t ALWAYS feel cute, I don’t always have an amazing outfit, I don’t have anyone to take amazing photos of me, I don’t care about crafting endlessly, I don’t always have something profound to say, sometimes I just want to laugh and not take life too seriously and sometimes I just want to cry. Sometimes I want to share every laugh, story and update about my son, and sometimes I just want to show you a cute hairstyle I found. This is what it would be like if you were my friend in real life, so this is really me.
This is my most recent thought. I am so concerned with who I am not, I have not paid much time or attention to who I am. What do I love and what do I want to pursue? What is my story and piece to share with the world.

Tomorrow in HEART THERAPY we are going to talk about our hopes and dreams, what are the things that you really want to accomplish in your life. What is it inside of you that just wants to get out? If you want to write a post about that come and link it up tomorrow, or anything else you might have on your heart to share. Tomorrow I will share with you what mine are, and I look forward to hearing yours as well. But how do these things shape our blogs, our lives?

I think we, myself included, need to stop looking at all the people around us and thinking how we will never measure up, or how far behind we are. How many of those people that we are comparing ourselves does the blogging or regular world actually need? One. We don’t need 10 Martha Stewarts, there is only one of her, the rest are just wannabe’s. What the world does need is ONE YOU! The people we look up to and emulate are a great source of inspiration, but let’s not try to be them. Let’s find out who we are, what our lives have to say to the world, what we are gifted with, without really having to try, and share that, whatever it may be..with the world.

A great quote I found last night by Walt Whitman is this, “Long have you timidly waded holding a plank by the shore, now I will you to be a bold swimmer, to jump off into the midst of the sea, rise again, nod to me, shout! and laughingly dash with you hair." -Walt Whitman

Let’s stop wading holding onto planks on the shore. Let’s jump in! Let’s be mindful of who we have been created by God, and make it part of our journey to figure out what it is we are to do with those things. You are here, you are valuable, and those you are sharing with need to and want to hear what you are saying, so share you. Its irreplaceable.

{all imgs via}

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30 Thank you for your thoughts

  1. Awesome post. As a newbie in the blogging world, I can see how easy it is to get caught up the "comparing" thing. I even asked someone one time if I should take down my "followers" counter so people don't know how "little" followers I have. Oh man I just want to smack myself! It's SO not about the followers. When I started blogging I had NO clue what followers were! That was not very long ago. I had to have a heart check with God and thankfully got that under control. :) Thanks for your awesome post. Can't wait to check back tomorrow!


    {A Mom Without Facebook}

  2. Wonderful post. Very personal and inspiring. Thank you for sharing!

  3. I love this post and it's sooo true! Half the time I dont blog because I dont have time to make it look all awesome or have the time to do all the link parties or even engage in the community that I know is there. I started blogging because I just needed an outlet to process. And writing, in the hopes that someone cares enough to read it, has always helped me but I dont do it as often as my heart wants to because I don't feel like I "match up" to most people who blog.

  4. Very good post! & I'm sure many of us will relate. It is definitely hard not to compare, especially when you think your blog is as good as it can be and then others have WAAAAY more followers. However I am aware that our blog is VERY different to many out there, I don't find many lesbian blogs & in fact there isn't any like ours at all. And I guess that was the whole point in setting it up- to be a visibile femme lesbian couple that is otherwise missing! If anyone stumbles across it and likes it, then I guess thats worth more than 100's of followers...

    M x

  5. this post...I felt every.single.word! You spoke from your heart and I loved it! I have so many of these same feelings as you about the blog world and well, man I just loved this post.

  6. This is why I love your blog! You are so honest and inspiring and the post today is just what I needed for today! I don't know what your blog started out like, but I love what it has become and will love whatever changes may come. Keep it up, your blog is one Of my very favorites to read. :)
    I started blogging as a way to make extra money and sell furniture. It has since evolved into more of a how to and before and after. I also showcase some favorite things ect.....I love blogging and no matter how many "followers" I have, I will continue. I am grateful anytime someone looks at my blog. :)

  7. Thank you for posting this...came at the right time for me.


  8. I've been chewing on a post like this... It's simple, but I'm ready to link it up...

  9. I love your post. This is so beautiful written and absolutely inspiring. Thank you. I needed this today!

  10. Great Post! So well said Thanks for this I needed this today more than any other day, xoxo

  11. Love it, girlie. I'm still trying to find my way around this whole bloggy thing and this just emphasized that I need to be ME.

    Just yesterday I posted something that made me feel incredibly vulnerable, but ironically I felt so much better after writing it, and even better reading the responses. And that's what it's all about, at least for me.

  12. This is absolutely beautiful Ashley. You are a wonderfully talented writer and blogger. Thanks for sharing!

    I think we all feel this way sometimes- that we need to compare ourselves to others in our field whatever that field is.

    I started blogging as an outlet as well. I was going through some things and thought it would give me a way to be me and not worry about all that other stuff!


  13. i swear our hearts are always on the same page... i JUST wrote something about this yesterday. LOL. your are beautiful, honest and unique ashley, the one and only you :) (even though we have the same name hahaha, just kidding)XOXOXOXO

  14. Hubbs and I were just talking about this last night! I'm sure that there is more of a "formula" that I could be following in order to GROW my blog as fast as so-and-so BUT if I did that then it wouldn't be MY blog! The way that I see it is that if I am true to myself and true to the God who made me this way then if there are woman who need to find me and what I have to say in the big ol' bloggy world then He will make sure that they do! This post is such a great reminder! Thanks for sharing, girl!

  15. I love this post Ashley! Think you took so many of our thoughts, anxieties, and insecurities and put them all down for us to relate to!! :)
    I've been reading you for a long time. Love your honesty! I, too, have struggled with depression and also with finding "my voice" here in Blog World.
    You got me thinking....maybe I will have something to link up tomorrow.

  16. Wow, that really was refreshing! It's so hard not to compare ourselves to those super bloggers out there that seem to have everything cased. I try hard to focus on how they have the whole blogging thing cased: they know how to present the right parts of their life. And that's the only thing that I can know for sure they have down. I used to be bothered by how hard it has been to get followers and whatever, but at the end of the day, I didn't start blogging because I wanted to be popular, so it shouldn't be a big concern.

    Thanks for the encouragement. :)

  17. What a great post! I became a blogger as a creative outlet, too, and although I don't have a big blog or am well known, I'm really happy with my little blog. It's nice for someone else to confirm how I feel, because sometimes I am dissatisfied with blogging!

  18. THANK you for this post, because as a new blogger, it's so so hard to find our place in this sea of blogs. I have had some incredible support from some bloggers, but mostly, they don't take the time for new comers like me, so when I can read a post like this, it helps. It helps it helps. Did I tell you it helps? SO thank you! Between you and ashley at laluce I will keep this in focus, and keep figuring out what I do best, even though I might not know what that is yet. So much to think about!

  19. I can relate SO MUCH to this post. I feel the same way at times :) Hang in there girl. Follow your heart!

  20. I loved this post. And it was just what I needed today.

  21. How on earth did you know? I have been thinking this and feeling this lately... Thank you and I look forward to Heart Therapy! This is just what the "doctor" ordered.

  22. I started blogging January of 2010 as a way to remember all the things that went into my DIY wedding. I agree with a few other comments, I too had no idea what followers were. I was surprised when I actually had people interested in reading what I had to say or even read my posts AFTER the wedding was over. I still only have 7 followers who’ve followed me for the last year, and I’m grateful for getting to know them through their readings as much as the other bloggers I’ve chosen to follow. Most of the time I don’t comment on posts, but I read EVERYTHING! I love all of your weekly quotes (one usually ends up as my desktop wallpaper at work every week), a lot that you’ve had to say has effected the way I view the blogging world and my personal life. I struggle with self image, I’ve tried a few of your hair styles, I sit and nod at the computer at things I agree on, those quotes that end up as my wallpaper have made others around me stop and read them (so its affected others, as well), and I’ve felt emotional reading things you’ve posted about your lifes journey. As I’ve said, I may not comment often… but I sure as heck appreciate what you’ve got to say!!!

  23. Thank you for this post!!!

    I started blogging because so many people were telling the "Dad stories" I was telling - either through emails in groups to which I belong, or in the "notes" section of my Facebook page - belonged on a blog ... I don't do well with understanding technical things, so I was scared - but blogger was soooo easy! And of course it's a place where I tell all types of stories, things that happen to me, etc. My blogger self-esteem, as you so eloquently put it, is a little bit short for two reasons: (a) the majority of people who were clamoring and pushing me to blog, blog, blog - don't even read it! (b) I would love, love, love to do OOTD posts! but the fact that I dress like "ick" is an even bigger issue, frankly, than not having the equipment - it tells you the world about my lack of self-esteem, my depression issues and how I can't pull myself out of them ... I'm moving, within the next month - thank you GOD!!! YES, I'm excited to be going home even tho I can't find a place to live to save my life! Because I'll be HOME. And with being HOME, I'm thinking that my self-esteem - blogger and otherwise - will rise, like cream to the top of the milk!

  24. thank you for posting this! i have felt like i am in "high school" when blogging some and just feeling inadequate. but i have to realize why i blog...i didn't just start blogging to have a million followers...just to get things off my chest.

  25. seriously? seriously. just what I needed. I took a break the last few months from my blog and am back at it this week, and so needed to read this. I so appreciate your heart friend, love to you!!!

  26. Beautiful! I agree with you. I started blogging becasue I just wanted to share me...what I do and like... sometimes I bake but I'm not Bakerella! I needed to be reminded to not compare or worry about how many followers...thanks!!

  27. What a beautiful reminder to what blogging is all about! :) I wanted to help people come closer to the Lord and their walk with Christ! Not that I am an expert by any stretch...but I hope the lessons I am learning and the trials I have faced will give encouragement to they trust God with their lives! :)

  28. Another great post Ashley! It is so hard not to fall into the comparison trap! I try to just do my thing and not worry about it but at times I still do.

  29. This was great. I really thank you for sharing this with all of us. And to be honest. you wrote it out really well.

  30. Ya know Ive felt this way and I'm still a newbie in the blogging world. I would read other blogs and think to myself "welp, I bet they never felt like I do" little did I know - a lot of us feel this way... It's hard not to compare...but we all are special and we all have a story to tell. Thank you for this post - it was truly inspiring and it was a nice slap back into reality.


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