Why I’m scared to get pregnant again…
We are quickly approaching our planned time to try for number two. My sister did these maternity photos for me and is basically an amazing photographer and managed to make me look better than I actually did during this time, but the reality was much different.
I have no idea I had such a hard pregnancy, because, what did I have it to compare it to? Nothing, and I was the first of my close friends to get pregnant.
Basically I retained water like no body’s business which resulted in a very puffy face, hands and everything else, had crazy chest, back and neck acne (you can see it in several of the photos), my nose spread into a man’s shape, among other regular pregnancy things. I had to be admitted to the hospital at one point for low iron (my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest).
On top of that my son was HUGE! When he was born he was 9lb9oz. He grew big from the beginning, that and I am just not a small gal, so I was just big. I got “are you due any minute?” at 7 months. “Are you having TWINS?” and the infamous in-law experience of “wow, you have put on a lot of weight!” Shoot me now!
When you are used to hiding your flaws all your life so people won’t notice that roll or blemish, its like a vail is ripped down and because you are pregnant everyone makes it a point to remark on every little thing that it is unusual, like we aren’t already completely aware.
I think that it had to do a lot with the fact that my personality type doesn’t deal well with a lot of change all at once, even if it is good. I had dated and married my husband within 8 months and was pregnant 3 months after we were married. Talk about HUGE life changes from 27, single, footloose and fancy free and within a year and a half I am married and having a child. We also struggled with going from two incomes to one and were very tight financially, so that meant very few maternity clothes, hair cuts, just feeling better.
My son, is a beautiful gift, and I couldn’t love him anymore. I can’t imagine NOT having another one and let’s be honest….the time does fly by. I think what you get back far outweighs what we might have to go through.
And so, despite my fear…I think I am ready to know another little part of our family will be coming soon.